All that Glitters

My first sea going ship was HMS Battleaxe. Not that posh all singing all dancing Type 22 of the same name, but the old Weapon Class Radar Picket, complete with its open bridge and hammocks. “Aye Jim lad, those were the days, shiver me timbers, Yo Ho Ho, and a bottle of Rum.!!”

It was quite a culture shock, joining the Battleaxe at Invergordon in the middle of winter, and sailing into a force 9 on my first day at sea. However, our first run ashore was Aberdeen!! Which just happened to be my hometown, so all the relatives came and visited and all had a great time.

In the days before the discovery of the black gold, Aberdeen was a burgeoning fishing port, in fact the busiest and biggest in the UK at the time. Night life was more akin to Bangkok or Hong Kong, not Scotland. Most of the bars around the docks area were full of ladies of ill-repute and loose morals, so we were well warned what pubs not to frequent.

Obviously those were the ones every sailor onboard made a beeline for. In those days runs ashore were in uniform, and we were made aware of the consequences of catching any anti-social diseases!! Our attention being brought to the location of the condom drawer under the Sick Bay hatch. The Lady Provost of Aberdeen, plus all her entourage, the Skipper, the Jimmy, Uncle Tom Cobleigh and all, were doing the obligatory tour of the ship, when the good Lady Provost stopped outside the Sick Bay saying “ And what do you hide in here?”, hauling open the condom drawer right out of its housing, spilling all the gold foil wrapped condoms over her shoes.

“Ah, she said, Barley Sugar, what a good idea!” just as well she didn’t have a sweet tooth!!.

Shortly after this visit to Aberdeen we were involved in a serious collision with HMS Ursa, our messdeck came off worst, several lads being seriously injured. It is now almost forty years since that fateful night on the Clyde. I have lost touch with all the crew of the old Battleaxe, and as I was only onboard for about six months, the memories are fading. Should any crew members read this, my email is: <mailerhugh@yahoo.co.uk>.

Singing.....

If you have a daughter.
Bounce her on your knee.
If you have a son.
Send the bastard off to sea

Singing bell-bottom trousers,
coats of Navy blue.
Let him climb the rigging,
like his Daddy used to do!!