There once was a sub crewed by Scotsmen
the redoubtable men of the north
she patrolled the Atlantic grey waters
from the base in the Firth of Forth
her skipper, a dour Aberdonian
was known for his tightness of loot
and much tighter yet with torpedoes
with a notice reluctance to shoot
one morning they sighted a tanker
"lets sink it" the crew said with glee
D' ye know ken the price of torpedoes
forget the tankers to wee
now, as they discussed the expenses
a destroyer appeared on the scene
a German with five inch artillery
and shed spotted the Jock submarine
they took the boat down in a hurry
while the German came on at a pace
"our skipper will save us" the crew said
but the captain remained stoney faced
they sat on the bottom for hours
dead quiet no man made a sound
while the German let loose her depth charges
and continued to circle around
then a voice echoed out of the silence
in anguish it cried simply this
"just fire the bloody torpedoes
I'll foot the bill if you miss!"