There’s a holiday place they call Brighton
Well noted for fresh air and fun
And a lady called Fiona Richmond
Who goes there and flashes her BUM
There’s also a ship they call Brighton
That’s not ………..funny at all
You ask any sailor that’s on her
And watch him go up the wall
The Captain, Commander J.M. Porter
There’s nothing that he wouldn’t dare
Except to visit a barber
Or have curlers put into his hair
The Jimmy, now there’s a kind feller
The talk of the mess decks for months
The lads can’t get over his kindness
He gave them a Make and Mend once
A kindly old soul is the Jaunty
You never see him go berserk
He sits at his desk and smiles kindly
While Bob Singleton does all the work
Phil Morton and all his young TAS apes
Find submarines with absolute ease
Then them silly ………..on ‘T’ Mortar
Forget to take out ‘T’ safety keys
Next on the list, the Rose Petals
Carry handbags by unwritten law
If you go in the Ops Room to see them
All they say is “Shut that Door”
Hinny Holt is a stoker, they tell me
Never known to miss a night’s sleep
Eats nowt and does exercises daily
To slim down to a ……. great heap
There’s Swales, Drayton and Rummery
Who do nothing but twiddle their thumbs
Or challenge innocent tankers
And sent home Modmails to their Mums
The smoothest man on the Brighton
Is a Seaman PO called Jock Wann
With the face and the voice of an angel
That someone has trodden upon
Young Freddy Gibbs feeds the sailors
And he’s quite a reasonable man
His talents are obviously wasted
Cos He’s been put on the Black List of Oxfam
The greatest snag by far are Airey Fairies
Who play all day long with their toy
And sit half the night in their hanger
Discussing who next to annoy
They’ve got two too many club swingers
They should take them ashore in Scapa Flow
To the darkest and loneliest gymnasium
And say “Onto the wall bars go”
The Gunners that man the big turret
And cackle their fat about shoots
Want to p…. off back to Whale Island
And put their ………….brains back in their boots
Doc Carne and Tony Pitts in the Sick Bay
One wonders just why they get paid
They just smother legs up with plaster
And waffle about salt tablets and First Aid
The Greenies are super efficient
And the best of them by far
Is that wizard in charge of the movies
Your friend and mine “ J.R.”
Now take off your hats to the stokers
They should never be called “Oily Rags”
They can mend leaky tubes in the boilers
But Bob Batey causes some snags
That silly old sod Father Davies
There’s one that you thought I had missed
He was bowman on Moses Basket
But got drafted because he was pissed
But if you have served on the Brighton
Puff out chest and walk ten feet tall
Cos there’s one place where no one could beat her
In Chatham alongside the wall...