OFFICIAL NOTICE of REHABILITATION from the PERSIAN GULF

 

To:- THE NEXT of KIN, RELATIVES and FRIENDS of :-

 

Rank…………………Name……………………………………………Official Number………………………

 

1. Very soon the above mentioned serviceman will be once again in your midst, de-hydrated and demoralised to take his place once again as a human being in a land of freedom and justice for all engaged in life, liberty and and the somewhat delayed pursuit of happiness.

You must make allowances for the crude environment which has been his miserable lot for months. In a few words, he may be a little peculiar in his habits suffering from too much sun.

 

2. In making your joyous welcome, you must consider the conditions to which he has been subjected and make allowance, as follows

 

A. Lock up all females between the ages of 16 and 90 in their rooms for the first 14 days

B. Fill up the fridge with beer, remember, he will only drink it cold and out of the can.

C. Make the bed comfortable for his afternoon sleep.

 

3. When serving rare foods, such as fresh milk or buttered bread, do not be alarmed or disgusted, if he goes at it like a beast or madman and shouts out “MARA WAHID TAMAAM MUNGERIA” which is Arabic for very good food.

 

4. When he arrives at the railway station, send a guide – remember he has been away for a long time, If he greets you with “KEEF HAFLACK” do not fret , as this means “HOW DO” in Arabic.

 

5. On boarding a bus, buy his ticket for him, or he will try to bargain with the ticket collector for a lower price. This also applies when he goes out shopping, try to be with all the time, he will get upset at not getting a lower price.

 

6. If, when passing the following, he appears a little surprised, or vague, explain to him in pigeon English what they are

 

A .A European woman F. A Postman

B. A Double Decker Bus G. A Train

C. Green Grass H. Rain

D. A Tree I. Snow

E. A Fish & Chip Shop and last but not least A Pub

 

7. A must for you is to buy an Arabic/English phrase book, though he may be taught in a comparatively short time to speak English once again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. If he does the following things, remember that he has been in Bahrain for a very long time.

 

A. Stare in fascination at the continuous flow of water from taps.

B. Bath all day.

C. Walk around the house wearing nothing but a towel and flip - flops.

D. Squat cross- legged on the floor.

E. Throw his mattress off the bed and sleep on the springs.

 

9. Remain calm when he pours gravy on his desert, or mixes peaches with his potatoes. Be tolerant, and do not let it shock you if he answers the telephone by saying “SALEM ALIKUM” instead of hello or signs off with “MASALAAMA” instead of goodbye.

 

10. Under no circumstances are you to mention the following

A. Sand B. A Holiday at the seaside. C. Bahrain

D. A Sunny Day E. Egypt F. A Swim in the sea.

G. Redeployment H. Sunbathing.

 

11. Never use the following phrases:-

 

When do you go back?

Don’t you wish you were back idling your time away on a sun drenched beach?

 

12. If when walking down the street a car or a lorry backfires, take no notice if he dives into a nearby sheltered spot shouting “ATTACK!” “ATTACK!”.

 

13. If you are in the habit of purchasing his clothes from Marks and Spencer’s do not be surprised if he gets out a razor blade and proceeds to remove the labels, Habits are hard to break.

 

14. Always remember that under that tanned and rugged exterior, there beats a heart of gold. Treasure this as it will be the one thing of value he has left. Treat him with kindness, tolerance and the occasional quart of good liquor and you will be able to re-habilitate that which is a hollow shell of the happy boy you once knew.

 

 

Signed………………………………………..dated……………………………..

 

Officer in charge Rehabilitation Persian Gulf.